Sto Lat 100 Years
by icarusforgotten
Summary: "You said that I'm only allowed to bother you with whatever I want for one hour a day since you're doing your super nerd science paper. I haven't missed my chance to have my hour, have I?" [bday fic for Mery]


"Did I miss it?"

Peter jerked awake, the pages of his notes plastered to the side of his face, drool making the ink smudge. He groaned, rubbing his eyes with the palm of his hand. He couldn't remember falling asleep - _fucking 11pm! how?!_ - but apparently he'd succumbed to a three hour nap. Not even his arsenal of coffee had managed to keep him awake. Didn't he have like five pots of it? Huh. Apparently he was building up a tolerance.

He was so tired. Working on his thesis, day and night, month after groggy month, Peter had barely any stamina left to properly feed himself. He could barely function. It took all his effort just to keep his eyes open, to peel the paper from his cheek and try and make out the words that were now sloppy ink.

Then there was Wade - boundless energy and unimaginable stamina, a complete contrast to how Peter felt.

How did he _do_ it?

Okay, yeah, stupid question. But still, Peter was left feeling dumbstruck at Wade's outrageous buoyancy; it was so overwhelming, so vibrant and radiant - and what was he doing Wade was not an ad for shampoo and conditioner.

_Soft and bouncy hair~!_

Peter groaned. Great. They'd been together so long Wade's unique brand of getting sidetracked was rubbing off on him.

_Yeah, but who can resist references from Shrek?_

Wade's hand slapped down on the table, startling Peter from his inner monologue. Probably for the best, too.

"I didn't miss it, did I?" He looked so desperate, so nervous, squirming and fidgeting, Peter thought he was going to combust right on the spot.

"Miss what?"

"My one hour window to do domestic shit with you - I swear Peter! If you keep on forgetting your guidelines for me I'm gonna start to think you don't want this love fest to actually exist!"

Peter blinked. "What are you talking about?"

Wade plopped into Peter's lap, wailing out a dramatic sigh. He grabbed Peter by the face, squishing his cheeks until he could barely feel them, and looked him straight in the eye. "You said that I'm only allowed to bother you with whatever I want for one hour a day since you're doing your super nerd science paper. I haven't missed my chance to have my hour, have I?"

The grip on his face made it hard for Peter to shake his head, and his lips were pressed too close together he couldn't get a sound out, but somehow Wade got the point that he was saying 'no'. Probably from the vigorous flailing of his arms.

Wait, yes, arms. Duh.

Peter grabbed Wade's hands, pulling them off his face. He sucked in a deep breath, forgetting for a moment to exhale and let it all rush out, enjoying the brief sensation of light-headedness that followed.

"I need a break anyway," he said, pinching Wade's butt to get him off his lap. Wade yelped, and Peter couldn't hold back the laugh at the pout his boyfriend made.

He fell back onto the couch, grunting out in relief at the soft pressure of the pillows against his back. He motioned over for Wade, one hand tucked comfortably behind his head while the other patted the space beside him.

Wade all but jumped onto the small space next to Peter, curling up to him so closely he could feel the heat from Wade's body radiating from him. It was nice.

"So I beat my taco eating record today. _And_ I kicked Thor's ass when doing it. Wait, hold on, that makes it sound like I was actually kicking Thor in the ass while eating tacos, but what I meant was -"

Peter wrapped his free arm around Wade, pulling him up to shut him up with a firm kiss. "I know what you meant, babe," he laughed.

Wade pouted up at him. Then, without warning, his features shifted into something unspeakably wicked. Peter didn't have a good feeling about this.

Faster than he could blink, Wade had Peter straddled, crawling up higher on his chest until his butt pressed into Peter's face.

He let out the longest, smelliest fart ever known to humanity. Peter gagged, punching Wade right off of him.

Wade just cackled, pointing a thumbs up to someone he couldn't see. "Wszystkiego najlepszego z okazji urodzin! Specjalnie dla ciebie udusiłem go bąkiem. Sto lat!" [1]

—

[1] "All the best for your birthday! I suffocated him with a fart especially for you! One hundred years!" (tradition to say 100 years as happy bday in Polish)


End file.
